Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Transcending Pain, Loss, And Betrayal

Recently I've been hearing in my practice more about pain, loss, and betrayal.

At first blush, one would assume that it's preferable to ignore and/or deny such feelings, often brought to the surface by old memories triggered by going through old photographs and belongings, visiting places you formerly lived at, people you may have run into, etc. Sometimes, moving on from a relationship, job, or even town or city, may trigger these long-forgotten memories and feelings, or even create new negative ones. The fact of the matter is, this is actually a signal for you to re-visit and hopefully to permanently heal these feelings, rather than ignoring them, or providing temporary "Band-Aid solutions". Often we believe that we've dealt with these traumas, and yet those feelings associated with the trauma(s) re-surface unexpectedly.
Today there are numerous ways of varying effectiveness, to work through these traumas , but it is crucial to work through them not just to temporarily alleviate the negative feelings, but to actually see the traumas for what they are: in other words, to put the events, people, places, and things into their proper perspective. This doesn't mean dismissing them or their importance, but rather their significance in the overall scheme of things! Even experiences such as rape, murder, molestation, and bullying all have a reason for having materialized in your life. All experiences in our life, whether they initially appear to be positive or negative, have a constructive purpose; ultimately, we must "swim or sink", and these experiences, some of which will obviously buoy us up, and others which initially debilitate and hinder us, will at the very least, inspire us to greatness, to be more than we could ever have imagined! The quadriplegic becomes the nuclear physicist, singer, artist, or musician; even those declared brain-dead can, if we allow it, inspire us to greatness because despite the fact that they may be kept artificially alive through scientific life-support systems, still contain the life-force within them that defies death and physical deterioration, for the machines may keep the heart beating, the lungs bellowing in and out, thus pumping blood and oxygen to keep the brain alive, but what is the great mystery, that great force that keeps the consciousness present? What is the great force that is creativity itself? what is this so-called "human spirit", this so-called "drive" that keeps a person "keep on keeping on" regardless of ridiculously low odds? It is this mysterious force that has always, is, and will always be present in our life regardless of physical and environmental circumstances! It is the thing that some people refer-to as the "part of you that can never be hurt"; it is this "thing" that is behind everything: the "genius" of science and art; the "intelligence" of inventions and sculptures; the thing we call "faith", which leaps over the fire while hope walks through that same fire. Call it human determination, will, stubbornness, or perhaps we can call it something else. Regardless, it is the thing we begin to see at the core of all of those so-called traumas that we "survived"; did we survive those things, or did we thrive as a result? Did we transform into something greater, something we could previously have never imagined before as a result? Did a work of art, a book, knowledge that we can constructively share as a result emerge?
This is what we must always seek out from those actual traumas, and/or when exploring them from a past-perspective: "What greatness is trying to emerge from me during that time/occurrence/experience?" Also, "What do I need to know or become in order for this emergence/re-birth to occur?" "Did I become something greater?" "What have I contributed as a result?"
In time, we'll begin to put these occurrences into their proper perspective: if something great resulted from the occurrence, than how worth it was it? At the very least, knowing so much more some time after the occurrence, we are no longer the same person we were then, therefore, the impact, the significance, the magnitude of the feelings and the occurrence will be greatly diminished.
In this way, the resentment becomes gratitude, the pain becomes strength, loss becomes wisdom, betrayal becomes victory, and the sorrow becomes wonder.
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